Not Quite In Song Form
by LoudCloud
Summary: In which the encounter with Tamatoa goes a bit differently. Somehow, him being more human-like makes him scarier. No pairings, slight violence.


"This is stupid! I'm just gonna walk up and get it!"

Seriously, it was right there.

"You go up there and he will kill you."

Right there. She ought to just march over, pluck it up and toss it off the pile. Preferably at Maui. Whilst telling him that he doesn't suit that bun.

The cone-shell and strap-on costume she was wearing feels stiff and awkward, a sharp contrast to being able to move about freely most of the time. It only added to her frustration. Moana pursed her lips and slammed the 'hammer' into the drum a few more times, taking mallow satisfaction in how Maui's face twisted in a grimace.

"Just keep him distracted!" H was peering around the cave walls as if the previously mentioned collector would come popping out of the tiny crevices at any moment. "Make him talk about himself."

He ducked behind the rock. Moana spun herself back into her 'bait gait' and scowled disapprovingly.

"He loves talking about himself!" The theatrical whisper may have sounded hushed but it wasn't quiet at all. Moana slammed the drum once more to punctuate her annoyance.

"You two must get along swell." And they must. In fact she was picturing yet another Maui covered in sparkly things.

Maui's next statement was so offhanded she didn't catch it at first. That's why you listen to words before tone, people. "Well, not since I ripped off his leg." He gave nonchalant shrug and Moana huffed, because typical that he'd –

Wait.

"You...ripped off his leg?" The drum went limp in her hand. She turned back to him because what, why would he rip off...

Aaaand he was gone.

"Maui?"

She stepped back. Still nothing. He couldn't have gone that far in just a second. Not for the first time she battled off a wave uncertainty, convincing herself that if she just kept on looking around she'd catch sight of his tattooed self ducking behind another rock. But she didn't.

Something stirred behind her. She heard the clank of gold or metal and turned, expecting Maui to be there, but instead –

A shadow fell over her and the first thing she saw was a pair of slightly mismatched eyes, and two rows of large, uneven teeth.

The figure was far larger than Maui - big and bulky enough to reach down and pluck her up like a child's doll. Moana couldn't drown down her cry of horror as she was easily snatched up.

At second glance she saw rings, tattoos, pierced ears and heavy eyelids. Just – just such a bizarre and strangely horrifying sight. He had to be at least ten feet tall.

And...antennas.

"What 'ave we here?" The man drawled, his smile so impossibly open it rid all connotations of being human from his face. Moana clapped her hands over her mouth in some attempt to hide her appalled look. He – Tamatoa - tilted his head to peer under her ridiculous cone-shell hat.

Another hand reached for her and Moana leaned back, arms rising for defence – and he plucked the shell off her head, her hair tugging sharply.

Surprise and disdain flashed across Tamatoa's face, and his smile faltered. "Oh. It's a human." Moana squirmed in his grip then, but her hands did nothing to pry away his hold. He doesn't seem disconcerted by this clear attempt to escape.

He tossed the hat to the floor. Her eyes flickered to it as the noise thrummed in her head.

Glancing down at it tells her this: his other hand wasn't a hand. It was a crab-like claw.

And he was missing a leg. There was just a stump seemingly melded into a gold peg-leg, how she had no idea. And it didn't look pretty; in fact it looked quite gruesome.

Tamatoa jostled her once, and her gaze snapped back up. "Ignore the leg." He drawled in a far more flat voice, "I can't –" She was glancing at the missing leg against her will, "Stop it. Stop that."

Finally, she decided to stare at one of his weird eyes instead, holding her breath.

An awkward pause followed.

A long, odd brow arching, Tamatoa lifted her closer, his claw-hand reaching towards her necklace. "You're a funny lookin' little thing, aren't you...?" He said it more to himself than her, preoccupied with the piece of jewellery. Moana drew back, clasping her hands over it.

"N-no..."

She hadn't meant for her voice to be so small. Tamatoa's lip coiled in disappointment, and then he laughed in an eerily knowing way. "Oh, I know how possessive one can get over their bling."

"It's my Grandma's." Moana returned more defensively, because in no way does she get obsessed over pretty things –

The strange crab-man's mood whiplashed and he took on a whiny, mocking voice. "That's my grandma's."

In a completely deadpan way, he continued – "I ate my Grandma."

Moana's jaw fell open in absolute horror.

"..And it took a week because she was one humongous old bitty." He added, as if getting the statement out of the way. "Why are you here?"

His gaze burrowed into her face and Moana caught sight of something bulky trying to inconspicuously sneak along the shadows behind him.

"B...because –"

A soft clink. Maui had stepped on a cup. Moana's entire mind blanched with horror when Tamatoa's eyes thinned suspiciously at her and his head began to pivot–

"About – about Maui!"

Behind them, Maui gawked at her in a 'what the **heck** ' face, hands out, silent disapproval and affronted stance apparent. But Tamatoa had turned his head back again, the little sound behind him forgotten, and Moana drew her arms back in and cringed slightly.

Tamatoa's eye glinted a bit in interest, but he betrayed no emotion aside from that. "...Maui?" He says, smoothly. Oddly calm when talking about a guy that tore off his leg. His lip twisted at one end, devoid of any warmth. "I knew tha' mop of curly haired reminded me of someone."

Moana peered at him oddly, wondering what he was getting at – and then it sunk in. She pressed her hands against her neck, feeling foolish. "Oh – hm. No, we're not rela..." The crab-man made a 'tssk' sound out the edge of his teeth. Moana deserved a prize for not glancing at Maui's (completely insulted and furious) face a few meters away.

"Anyway..." She fiddled with one of her fingers, smiling far too cheerily that it hurt her cheekbones, "I'm here because I wanted to know..."

Don't look at Maui, Don't look at Maui, Don't Maui at look.

Suddenly, the grip around her middle tightened. Moana's breath hitched as the sharp pain resided, and Tamatoa leaned in. She drew back as far as she could, teeth grinding in horror. Don't look, don't look, don't look –

"Get to the point already, I 'aven't got all day you know."

"About the leg!" Moana blurted.

The crab-man's eyes have gone comically wide, almost crossed-eyed. He'd even leant back a little and Moana dared to breathe again.

Tamatoa blinked and his face slid back into that suspicious, if interested glare. "Oh? Want to hear about how that drab little semi-god tore off a limb?"

"Not exactly..." Moana fought for some kind of sentence structure here, "More like how he uh...managed it, considering you're..."

The glare was getting darker.

"...Way bigger than he is, and with...claws and clearly more power?"

Please buy it.

Tamatoa grins at that. "Hard to think isn't it? He got lucky."

Moana yelped as she was tossed unceremoniously into the air, plummeting violently down towards the hard stone floor – only for the scruff of her shirt to be snagged by the pincer. She kicked her legs out but found no footing – and Maui had dived back into the shadows as Tamatoa slung around.

He pulled the Hook (that had seemingly been embedded in the gold for a long while) out of the pile, the noise emitting from it eerily crunch-like. He held it aloft and sent Moana a lowly grin that was again all teeth, tilting it back and forth like someone who had won a prize and was rubbing it in everyone's faces.

"Let me tell you something about Maui."

Slinging the hook over his shoulder, Tamatoa strode along the cave at a leisurely pace, Moana swinging back and forth like a bag. He scaled about ten humans' steps in one. The crab-man is clearly enjoying this petty torment, grinning widely. "He probably acts all boisterous around his little pet, whatever you are to him, mortal brat or spawn. But what I know is so much juicer than all of those do-gooder deeds."

Do-gooder...

Moana kneaded her lips, telling herself to ignore all this, it's just blabber, keep him distracted – they obviously hated each other, nothing he said could be...

Despite the dizzying swaying and awful tone, Moana lifted her head and stared at him in unwilling alertness. Tamatoa's eyes narrowed and he apparently needed no other indication to go on. He brought the hook closer to her again, leaning in as if passing some terrible gossip, "He's nothing without his hook. A little semi-god with about as much power and brains as a cow. I'd know – seen a fair share sacrificed and it's usually absolutely atrocious to watch. Goats just don't do it sometimes."

Moana's brows lifted uneasily.

"He's nothing more than a glorified human, trying to win the love that wasn't ever given to him." Tamatoa put on an exaggerated sad face then. Win back...? But he'd only just gotten the hook back in his sights now; he couldn't begin fixing his mistake if...

"He hasn't shown you the tattoo on his back, has he?" Tamatoa stated flatly. Moana glanced away, realising she now has no idea where Maui was. Her stomach twisted. Something told her that - that whatever bombshell this crab-man was going to drop, it wasn't going to be nice to hear. Unease was prickling below her skin even as she tried to shrug, "Well, no..." She began.

Tamatoa's grin was downright malicious. "Reaction test – you see an image of a human woman tossing a baby into the sea. Like a skipping stone. Thoughts?"

A woman tossing a baby into –

The image was horrible. So unthinkable that it stops in her head just as she pictures some faceless woman letting a plump little body slip through her fingers. "You – you're making that up." She's not certain. His grin grew wider, more vicious, and something dangerous slid into the atmosphere of the cave. Moana's heart rate began to pick up.

"Sad, isn't it, knowing that what the humans call a 'hero' is just some whimpering little muscle-man who was abandoned?" Tamatoa shrugged and turned again. Moana was sent swinging from his grasp.

Abandoned. Thrown into the ocean. No, it couldn't – that couldn't be right.

"So there you go." Tamatoa said, as if rounding up some educational lesson, clicking his tongue against those large, horrible teeth. "Your precious Maui got lucky and tore off my leg because the gods gave him an admittedly well-made magical item. Not because he's anything special. Or that he was better than Tamatoa."

Third person, hah-hah. Moana tried to grin back, despite the hollow feeling in her stomach. But then a more wide-eyed, nasty look passed over the giant crab-man's face.

"I think we've come to the end of our chat." He said, cocking his head almost cheerily. Moana's eyes widened. "I wonder if your skull will match that pretty necklace of yours."

He didn't – he wouldn't – it dawned on her and he watched her realize with a violent satisfaction, immediately she began struggling with all pretence of bravery gone. The idea of disappearing like this, without ever seeing her parents again –

He stabbed the hook back into the floor and oh-so carelessly picked up a dagger in its place, and that's when Moana cries out –

"No – No please, don't –"

"Hey! Crab cakes!"

Tamatoa's smile vanished and Moana's head lifted so fast her neck strained. Maui had dived onto the pile, his large hands clamping onto the hook. He lifted it up, pure unbridled glee dancing over his features. "I'm back."

He actually kissed it.

She and Tamatoa simply gaped at him as he hoisted it up, smirking so broadly the lines went to his forehead and Mini-Maui burst into a bird-like shape on his chest. With a deafening battle-cry he swung it forth and Tamatoa actually stepped back, Moana almost falling from his grip...

When Maui turns into a fish.

Again, Tamatoa and Moana share uncannily identical stares. Tamatoa's composure reappeared in a horrible wave. He tucked her under his arm like a sack of coconuts; his head all but lolling back to face Maui. Who was standing with his hook in hand looking not unlike a child caught holding his father's paddle. Moana wriggled her legs but failed to even get his arm to budge.

"Well, well, well..."

The ground thudding below his foot,Tamatoa stepped towards him, and at that moment Moana witness something she thought was impossible – Maui almost looked small.

He'd clearly realised that he was in for it as he lifted his hook to try and swing it like a baton – only for the crab-man to catch it and yank it upwards, thereby lifting both of them up at once. Maui swung from it like a fish before kicking his feet into Tamatoa's torso – but that barely seemed to do anything.

Tamatoa's head swept forward and he head-butted the other demi-god clean in the noggin. Moana gave a muted noise of horror as Maui dropped like a rock.

The tattooed man had to the good sense to roll away before Tamatoa could stamp his sharp peg-leg into his chest. He'd lifted the hook up overhead out of Maui's reach. The demi-god snarled in fury and leaped for it, one hand clawing at Tamatoa's face. Moana managed to pull her arm free and was trying to pound her fist on the crab-man's side, but he didn't seem to notice. He was smirking openly like this whole thing was hilarious.

"Terrible performance." Tamatoa swung the hook at Maui and it locked around its owner's neck, and with a hard yank he'd pitched the latter overhead. Moana's eyes bulged as she watched him crash against the wall. This was Maui. And he kept flopping like...

It was disheartening, beneath all the adrenaline and panic. "Stop it! Cut it out!" She yelled, and against her own logical approaches she tried biting down on Tamatoa's arm...only for her teeth to meet the hard shell-like surface. "Ow!"

"He doesn't swing it like he used to. Get it?"

Moana was suddenly hefted up and tossed. She grappled violently with the air before being caught again, this time over the crab-man's shoulder as he'd taken the time he had both hands free to sock Maui directly in the jaw.

The latter went for his legs then, kicking the golden stub and the crab-man seemed to wobble for a moment. Moana's triumphant whoop was short-lived however. Though Maui had just regained the hook Tamatoa blocked the weapon again and twisted it out of the demigod's grasp. Moana couldn't understand what was going on, why was he –

"Credit to you, with all those new tattoos though. And the start." Tamatoa called, twirling the hook around his claw-hand. Moana tried again in vain to squirm out of his hold but again she was ignored. She hated the helplessness, the being powerless and it was beginning to creep up on her that the feeling was mutual for Maui.

Maui drew himself back up and the shake in his arms didn't go unnoticed. Moana tried to say something but was cut off. Tamatoa had slammed his claw-arm into the wall and a tremor ran up the rock.

Overhead, the sea-diluted light began to fade. Moana's heart sank in primitive, instinctual fear as darkness closed in on them.

Red and unworldly purple blotched through the dark. She could only see Maui's figure outlined by the putrid green on the walls.

The figure holding her now looked completely demonic and she began struggling violently, her heart hammering as a pair of teeth and eyes, that looked bodiless in the dark, smirked at her.

Tamatoa's markings outlined him like a skeleton in blue and magenta, his teeth and eyes bright and exaggerated. He began towards Maui again, throwing Moana aside.

She hit the ground and groped for some footing, slipping on the rock.

"Don't worry, curly-head. Little Maui's far from the ones who abandoned him."

Tamatoa's tone was soft, almost-purr like as he closed in on Maui, who had regained his footing and charged towards him.

With a crack, the larger demigod had punched him in the torso and sent him onto his stomach, slamming his claw down on his back.

And Moana saw it.

A woman, long hair flowing, tossing a tiny figure into several flowing lines. Her heart clenched.

Tamatoa leaned on Maui's back, pinning him there with a horrible casualness, seizing his hair and wrenching his head up to face her. Moana could only stare at his expression – closed off and vacant.

"Look at him, chasing the love of your kind all these years. Because you make him feel wanted."

The eyes in the dark narrowed. Moana wrenched herself up then, a large rock clasped in her hands as she ran towards him, bringing it down on his head –

With a crack, his claw-hand broke the stone in two and struck her across the face. Moana's head reeled, her teeth ached as she crashed face-first into the dirt.

Maui had been yanked up again and thrown across the cave, hitting the wall and sliding down on his back. His head turned, body trembling with effort as the giant approached again, pressing his good foot down on his stomach.

Moana dragged herself up. Glowing green algae stained her hands.

Glowing green –

"Go ahead," Tamatoa crooned, hook in hand he pressed it against Maui's neck. The other deity fought to keep it from crushing his windpipe against the rock, just barely managing. Tamatoa leaned in, knee crushing his chest in a painful weight. "Give a final plea for me."

Moana was on her feet.

"Hey!"

A blink of surprise and Tamatoa actually looked her way. Triumphant, she waved the glowing stone in her hand at him in an imitation of his own hook-waving earlier. "I got something shiny too!"

Tamatoa's face was blank with realisation. "The heart of Te Viti." He breathed.

Moana bolted.

Behind her she heard heavy footsteps crush the floor. "You can't get far on those little legs!"

She threw the rock as hard as she could. Pattern-less and free of algae, she blended into the dark and dove out of the giant's way. Maui was just barely on his knees and she shoved the hook into his hand, trying to drag him up.

"C'mon, c'mon –"

"But – what about the heart?" Maui looked genuinely confused. She decided it humbled him. Grinning breathlessly, she tapped her Grandmother's necklace.

"He can have it. I got a better one."

They staggered out of the cave, blessed light falling on them once more.

Behind the, a furious roar rang out. Moana's breath hitched as Tamatoa came crashing out of the wall, his bioluminescent markings fading and his face downright murderous. Maui skidded to a halt, hook in hand and Moana had no time to scream at him that now was not the time to strike a fighting stance.

Tamatoa didn't get to them. A geyser hit him straight in the lips and sent him reeling back. Moana didn't look back.

She hoped that the impact had knocked out a tooth or two.

No matter how funny the ending, though, she remained shaken by the encounter long after it.


End file.
